Random Confessions From Someone Who Sometimes Pretends To Be Holier Than I Really Am (That *Someone* would be me, just in case you wondered.)
1) I’ve said this before, but I would really like to be an Organic, Non-GMO mom. Which means that sometimes I shop at Whole Foods and buy things like grass-fed beef and over-priced fruit so that I can walk a little taller in my pesticide free soul.
But last night, I made Hamburger Helper. The one from the box…which has a list of preservatives a mile long and looks nothing like the vegetable pasta version created by Pinterest Angels.
2) Yesterday in church, the sermon’s scripture came from Jonah. Except I couldn’t find the book of Jonah! So during the pastor’s prayer, I took a quick sneak peak at my Bible’s table of contents…so that I could turn to Jonah while no one was looking. (God forbid someone get the impression that I don’t know my way around the Bible.) (Pride issues…check.)
3) And oh yeah, this one: Larry’s workload at the office has recently doubled. Which means his days are crammed, and his inbox is stacked. But that didn’t stop me from yelling at him when his mental overload knocked against my old school insecurities. Because I’m very selfish like that. (And frankly, emotional neediness is a real thing around here, and sometimes I confuse Larry’s role with Jesus’s, and well, yeah…that’s just not fair.)
4) While I’m confessing out loud here, I might as well tell you that I had finally gotten a handle on the “good parenting mojo” (as if). But then my child started 5th grade, and I guess hormones come with that, so now I feel like I’m back at square one.
This humanity, y’all…it gets to me.
I don’t know about you, but that’s just a bare glimpse of my reality that isn’t exactly flattering. And I realize that my holy cover is blown by telling you this, but so be it. Because I’m convinced we’ve been tricked into thinking our *Christianity*…the call to Jesus-likeness…means that we have to hide our human parts because we’re *supposed to be* more holy.
But hiding leads to acting – and acting just splits us right down the middle and denies reality. Which can’t be a good thing…and somehow I’m not sure Jesus meant for us to live as holy pretenders.
Because here’s the truth about you and me: we are human and we are holy. We are humanity and holiness stirred up together and packed into the same frame.
This human part of us doesn’t take God by surprise (which totally blows my old theory that he was routinely disappointed in me).
In fact, it was because of our human-ness that Jesus paid the bloody high cost of our redemption. He didn’t run from it…He ran toward it, and put on the human skin for himself.
And because He did, I am a living, breathing, holy-human piece of art…sort of like God’s poetry in motion or something. And so are you.
He knows us better than we know ourselves. And He loves us.
Since He loves us right here, just like we are, we don’t have to shrink our souls into some man-made mold of holy expectations. You and I can live boldly, with no excuses or explanations or footnotes to explain our behavior.
We are free to live with our souls out in the open because it’s who we are and we are loved this way.
This freedom isn’t permission to indulge our desires – but its a freedom to live as God leads, without being bound to artificial religious standards. We can let go of the need to punish ourselves for imperfections. (Jesus already has our number on all that – and He chose us anyway.)
We are fully known, fully loved, fully forgiven, fully holy, and fully human. All at the same time.
So we don’t have to be holy pretenders. We can come out of hiding…and live free, because we are.
(And on that note, don’t judge the Hamburger Helper. Sometimes the people around here just need to eat a decent meal that has a low screw-up potential.)
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