When you read this blog, you could easily walk away with the impression that I frequently make a mess of things.
So let me just take this moment to confirm that you’re exactly right.
The thought occurred to me that whether it be a story about forgetting Open House or a random comment about how I burned dinner (again), I routinely tell you about the latest time I’ve blown it.
Larry says that if he weren’t married to me, he might think I make these things up for dramatic effect. And then he laughs and cries at the same time because this is unfortunately not the case, and basically my domestic skills can be summed up by the words of Britney Spears: Oops! I Did It Again.
(Come to think of it, that line also sums up many of the conversations I have with Jesus, but that’s a whole other story.)
This past Saturday is a classic example of everyday life around our house. I had a handful of projects to tackle, and at the end of the day, 83% of them were a bust. (That math is a guesstimate because we all know numerical calculations aren’t my thing.)
Project #1: The Pillowcase
So…a friend of mine came over on Saturday morning to make a few Christmas gifts with the Silhouette. One of those gifts she wanted to make was a pillowcase with a vinyl monogram on the front.
Now mind you, this wasn’t a rookie endeavor since I’ve monogrammed a few of my own pillowcases.
However, we weren’t so fortunate this time around, and I melted the pillowcase on the heat press, so that was awesome. (By the way, it’s a great feeling when you ruin someone else’s Christmas gift.)
Project #2: Christmas Tree Sugar Cookies
Yeah…this project didn’t work out so well either. OBVIOUSLY.
And icing didn’t help matters at all. So #MerryChristmas.
Project #3: Cinnamon Chip Oatmeal Cookies (otherwise known as a make-up attempt for the Christmas Tree Cookie Fail).
No, that isn’t an odd-looking version of banana bread. That right there is how I learned you cannot replace regular oats for quick-cooking oats in a recipe. Sadly, this lesson came at the expense of the cinnamon chip oatmeal cookies.
The only thing that makes this more upsetting is that we bought those cinnamon chips in Oklahoma because no grocery store in Houston is cool enough to sell them. Thus, the implications of this cooking malfunction are non-trivial.
(Except it’s completely trivial when you get right down to it because if wrecked cookies are the worst things I’ll face today, then I won’t complain.)
Project #4: Oklahoma Proud
And then last but not least, I made a t-shirt with my new plaid vinyl.
Which was fantastic, except evidently I forgot what Oklahoma looks like. Which is sort of pathetic since I spent the first 23 years of my life there.
I’m sure at least 65% of you wonder when I’ll quit wasting time in the kitchen since there’s clearly been no evidence of progress.
Well for starters, as soon as it becomes a wise financial decision for us to hire a live-in cook, I will be all over that. Until then, somebody has to feed the family and I prefer that it’s not McDonald’s. But admittedly, sometimes that’s just how it is, despite my dreams of an Unprocessed, Non-GMO Motherhood.
In other words, the answer is basic survival.
And then there’s also that part of me that refuses to settle for a losing record against the oven. But let’s be real for a minute and consider the definition of insanity:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. (Thank you, Albert Einstein.)
So there’s that.
But jumping to psychological conclusions is not on my to-do list, so for now I’d rather just laugh at the mishaps and go on to the next thing.
Speaking of which, the next thing for me is (ironically) to make cookies for Luke, per his unsolicited request. This is real-life proof that kids are the best grace-givers. Either that, or it just means that Luke is semi-delusional when it comes to his mother’s capabilities.
Whatever it is. I’ll take it. And this time I won’t try to do anything fancy like use cookie cutters.
I’ll keep you posted.
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