I walked into the kitchen on Monday morning, and was immediately assaulted by a smoky haze of burnt pancakes.
The notable thing here is that I wasn’t the one responsible for this crispy mess. My sister (bless her heart) made…or tried to make…pancakes. Technically they were more like oversized chips after their exposure to excessive heat, but whatever.
This whole situation convinced me that my kitchen needs an exorcism. I mean seriously though.
We all know what they say about hell and it has something to do with a fiery furnace. Which is exactly how you could describe my kitchen at least 2 out of every 4 meals. I mean, hello, I’ve even had to buy a new skillet because Dawn just couldn’t cut through the thick layers of burn on my old one any longer.
I cannot be this incompetent, y’all. Therefore if I can say the devil made me do it, then it’s not my fault. (Never mind the fact that this doesn’t exactly line up with my theology.)
Despite the historical trend of trouble in the kitchen, I did have a tiny measure of success last week when I made these egg and sausage muffin-like things. They were not over-cooked (I know. It was shocking.); and they even looked like Pinterest said they would. #winning
Never mind that when I asked my sister if she liked them, she told me they might be really good…if she was starving. So there’s that.
In addition to my cooking aspirations, there’s a new organization technique that I want to implement soon. It’s called Pile Every Piece of Paper in America on the Kitchen Counter.
Trust me, this is motherhood genius at it’s finest.
Here’s the deal: back in the pre-seminary days when I had time to go to Hobby Lobby, I created a filing system designed to streamline that never-ending paper pile where picture day reminders and papers that require a signature go to die.
Despite my daily how-to tutorials, Larry and Luke weren’t nearly as enthusiastic about this brilliant process as I was. Which is proof that nagging accomplishes nothing.
I’ve got great dreams for this new technique, though. I’ll make a whole big deal of it, and explain how the solution to this paper-clutter is to spread it across the countertop in chaotic disarray. I’ll make sure to be extra passionate in my demonstration because this is a sure-fire way to make sure they do the exact opposite.
That, my friends, is why #3 on my List of Things I Learned in 2015 will be this:
Sometimes you just have to outsmart your husband and children.
If I applied this to other household chores, this technique could transform my entire house into a Southern Living lay-out where the coffee table is free of apple cores and empty cups, and baseball gloves find a home whose name is not The Living Room Floor.
(I haven’t tested this theory yet, so I can’t be held responsible if you try it and it blows up in your face.)
I’m feeling pretty good about this. So now if I can get the devil out of my kitchen, I just might be a master chef and have a clean house by Friday.
Think positive, y’all.
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